Friday, December 24, 2010

Centre Hice's top-10 worst Hab nicknames

She doesn't like Centre Hice's number 1 choice, either.

What's in a nickname?

The best nicknames in hockey speak to an attribute that a player has that separates him from everybody else; The Rocket, The Great One, Mr. Hockey, Boom-Boom, and The Stratford Streak quickly come to mind. Yet there are just as many prevalent nicknames that leave a lot to be desired, or don't fully or accurately represent the player to which they're attached. After many minutes of calculated discussion, number crunching and blindfolded dart-tossing, these Canadiens' nicknames topped Centre Hice's ten most unwanted list.

Note that these choices don't include nicknames that a player received before his hockey career, ie: Hector "Toe" Blake. And yeah, I know that you may very well like some of these, or even consider them classic, but it isn't your list, now is it?

Centre Hice's Ten Worst Hab Nicknames, counting down from number 10:
10. “Pocket Rocket”—Henri Richard
Playing in the shadow of the greatest Hab of all time—who’s your older brother, no less—is hard enough without being saddled with a nickname that will forever rank you as second-best in the family, regardless of your accomplishments. Henri won eleven Stanley Cups and played more games then any other Hab, but will still unfairly be known to many as nothing more than Rocket’s little brother.
9. “Komisarus”—Mike Komisarek
Up until he got pussified in that fight with Milan Lucic and Andrei Markov stopped hauling his ass all over the ice, Komisarek came close to living up to his dinosaurian nickname. But since his defection to the Maple Leafs and his subsequent ineffectiveness, he’s been giving Tyrannosaurs Rex a bad name.
8. “Cube”—Francis Bouillon
What guy wants to go around being equated with a food product that’s used to make very weak soup? The unfortunate play on Frankie’s last name doesn't do his style of play any justice, unlike his other nickname: Frankie the Bull.
7. “Jake The Snake”—Jacques Plante
Snakes have a reputation (deserved or not) of being slimy, untrustworthy, cold-blooded killers. There’s no evidence that Jacques was any of these. Besides, snakes have no arms and legs, and thus make crummy goaltenders.
6. “Little Bird”—Moe Robinson
Could Larry Robinson’s younger brother have been pegged with a less-flattering nickname? Here you are, finally in the NHL with the best team in the league, and when you hit the bars of Crescent Street looking to pick up, you’re introduced as “Little Bird”.
5. “Jesus Price”—Carey Price
Talk about unreasonable expectations! The kid is good—really, really good—but Jesus himself probably couldn’t meet the expectations in goal of the most unrealistic of Montreal’s fans.
4. “Mickey Ribs”—Mike Ribeiro
I really wish that someone would kickey Mickey in the ribs. A floating underachiever during his stint with the Habs, he embarrassed not only himself, but the whole team when he faked that injury against the Bruins. “Mickey Ribs” sounds like a nickname that belongs to a snotty, whiny, skinny-assed punk. On second thought, it suits him perfectly.
3. “The Flower”—Guy Lafleur
The second-best pure goal scorer in the history of the team deserves at least the second-best nickname, too. And he has it with "Demon Blond". Unfortunately, English speaking fans better know him as "The Flower". Yeah, I guess that it could speak to his grace, elegance and beauty as he hit full-stride, but what would you rather take into combat against the Bruins: a demon or a flower?
2. “Red Light”—Andre Racicot
Imagine if your nickname essentially shouted "you suck!". Unfortunately, Racicot's mean-spirited moniker that refers to the goal light behind him getting a workout isn't wholly deserved. As a backup from 1989-94, he posted a winning record of 26-23-8, including an excellent 17-5-1 in 1992-93, with a goals-against average of 3.39; a decent number for a period when goal-scoring was a lot higher than it is now.
1. “The Urologist”—Marc-Andre Bergeron
It's easily the most juvenile Hab nickname that came to mind, and thus tops the list. Why "The Urologist", you may ask? Well, Bergeron's point shot made him a powerplay specialist... or in hockey-slang, a PP specialist. Or if you prefer, pee-pee specialist. Pee-pee specialist... urologist... get it? An 8 year old would, and I bet that even he wouldn't think that it would be worth more than a quick snicker. And I'm sure that Bergeron doesn't find it flattering, either.


Don't agree with any or all of the selections? Have a better suggestion for an all-time bad Hab nickname that you think should be on the list? Leave it in a comment, and it could end up on an updated "reader-approved" list here on Centre Hice. 


Topham said...

It wasn't invented by Habs fans, but it should have been. I have heard from Washington fans that they named Jose Theodore, Jose "Three-or-more".

Anonymous said...

As a variation of that one, I've also heard "Jose, show him the door".