Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Colton Orr owes me 15 bucks

If you read this blog for any amount of time, it won't take you long to figure out that I don't like the Leafs a whole lot.

In fact, I hate them. Detest them. Despise them. In short, they suck. And as of this morning, they suck more than ever. You see, they cheated last night in order to secure themselves a victory over the Florida Panthers.

With about 9 minutes left in the game and riding a three game losing streak, Colton Orr skated out from behind the net--unmolested--and plowed over Florida goalie Scott Clemmensen, leaving a yawning cage in which moments later the Leafs would score the controversial goal. As an added kick to the crotch, Orr was credited with the goal as the puck glanced off of his skate. Here's the offending play:

Following the 'goal', Clemmensen complained to referee Stephen Walkom, whose excuse for the non-call was "I thought that you were outside of the blue paint." (Clemmensen was clearly within the blue paint of the crease when Orr tried to feel him up)

Apparently Walkom, the former head of officiating in the NHL, needs to be acquainted with the goaltender interference rule, as it states that, even if the goalie is outside of his crease he is not to be considered 'fair game', and that a goal scored must be disallowed if the contact wasn't the result of the goaltender being in the act of playing the puck.

Because of this dastardly, heinous crime committed by Colton Orr, and the stupendously inept non-call that followed it, I lost on my ProLine ticket, which means that as of this morning I'm out 15 dollars. That normally would be enough to fan the flames of my hate-on for the Leafs, but that 15 dollars was earmarked for filling my tank with gas so that I could make my weekly rounds delivering hot meals to elderly shut-ins. Without the gas for my vehicle, I figured that the next best solution would be to hire a cab to take me on my appointed rounds; unfortunately the fare would have come to more than 15 dollars, so that was a no-go, too.

Fortunately, there's an orphanage at the end of my street; I enlisted the help of the little tykes to fan out through the neighborhood to deliver the meals, but it didn't go well. The one with emphysema didn't get a block away before he collapsed; the one that they call 'Stumpy' because he only has one leg and has to use crutches wasn't quite quick enough getting across the highway, and the last one, with my final dollar, got on the cross-town bus; she's yet to return. We fear the worst.

It pains me to think of all of those grandmas and grandpas, huddled around the dinner table, shawls over their shoulders in a vain attempt at warding off the fall chill, awaiting the knock on the door that would bring them what would probably be their only hot meal of the week.

And all because Colton Orr owes me 15 bucks.


Centre Hice is awaiting security camera video from outside of the A.C.C. before last night's game that clearly shows Orr kicking a small dog and refusing to donate a couple of bucks to a junior hockey team that was fundraising for new equipment.   


Danno said...

Thanks for making me laugh. Maybe Walkom is on the take or something. Or maybe he's helping his buddies out with their Pro Line picks. I hope they are all as charitable as you are and are using their winnings to make the world a better place for those in need...



Hey Danno, starving elderly people and missing orphans are no laughing matter! :)